What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dignity is for republicans.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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