Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
