He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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