Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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