I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do vagina's smell?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
