Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
