Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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