So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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