...so i touched it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
