I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
