Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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