Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
