i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
