i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
