The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
