she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
