Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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