I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
