and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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