I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
