i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
