I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
