I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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