I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
