drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I want to be your penis for a week.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A+ Viking dick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
