Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Will you blow on my dice?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
