On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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