apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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