My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
