You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
