I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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