I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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