I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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