So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you had me at cake vodka
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
this hospital has no fireball
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
