Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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