Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
