Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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