Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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