Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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