I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
