She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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