The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
