Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
