It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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