This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
whose ass print is on the piano?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
