I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The best revenge is premature balding
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
