did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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