Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
