he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
