Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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